“I want to be a mommy now!” she said looking up to me with her beautiful, curious brown eyes.
I’m quickly taken back to the moment I met those eyes seconds after she was born. Those same brown eyes were already looking around the hospital room full of wonder.
I’m brought back to reality when she throws herself to the floor and then whines, “I don’t want to be a kid!”
She’s four. Already looking forward while I’m constantly looking back. It’s hard to keep things real and hopeful at the same time with her. I want to tell her being a kid is the best and please don’t rush it. Getting old sucks. Because in a lot of ways it does, but does it really have to? And do I really want her to think all fun ends at age 21?
I recently watched “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” on Netflix (okay, three times actually) and I loved it so much for so many reasons. It took me back to high school when I had that head in the clouds daydreamy feeling that I remember always having growing up. I used my imagination all the time to be more creative and expressive. Maybe that’s what I’ve been missing and need more of to make this adulting thing suck less.
I ended up telling Sadie she won’t be a mommy for a long time (long as in 25 years … a conversation for much later) but she can pretend to be whatever she wants now. She moved on to the next thing and I went back to seeing her as a newborn until I reminded myself that while her eyes might be the same tomorrow, she won’t be. So I snapped out of it to live with her in an imaginative world and pretended to be a kid – her kid – again.